


This side of brightness

by Trash



Series: Tremors [1]
Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Coming Out, M/M, Trans Carlos, Trans Character, spoilers for one year later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2016-03-24
Packaged: 2018-05-28 18:50:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6341155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trash/pseuds/Trash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It takes a tiny civilisation trying to kill him to make Carlos realise there are worse things than coming out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This side of brightness

It takes a tiny civilisation trying to kill him for Carlos to realise that there really are things in life that are worse than coming out. 

Teddy doesn't want him to drive, for reasons Carlos doesn't fully understand until he pulls up to the Arby's. His lab coat is all but shredded, the shirt underneath stained with blood and ichor. The bandages on his arms are already soaked through. In the light they look black. 

Cecil arrives, out of breath and pale. His eyes are red and wet from crying and Carlos' heart breaks. He slides off the hood of his car to gather Cecil in his arms, whispers into his ear, "I love you, I love you. It's okay, Cece, I got you. Sssh, it's okay."

Cecil sobs, the sound the single most awful thing Carlos has ever heard. "I thought-"

"I know," Carlos murmurs. "But I'm okay." He holds Cecil at arm's length and smiles warmly. "I'm okay, see?" Neither of them acknowledge the open wounds or drying blood - both are so standard in Night Vale anyway. 

Cecil reaches out and cups Carlos' face gently. "My darling Carlos."

"I- I know you...I know how you feel about me," Carlos says, haltingly. He holds up a hand to quiet Cecil when he opens his mouth to speak. "And I shouldn't have waited all this time to tell you that I feel the same way. But there's...I have to tell you something. About me. And it might make you change your mind and I want you to know I won't judge you if it does, okay?"

Cecil narrows his eyes. 

Carlos takes a deep breath. "I'm...transgender." Cecil says nothing, so Carlos continues. "I was designated female at birth."

Cecil says more nothing. 

"Cece?"

"Oh! Am I...you want me to say something, of course you do," he pauses, frowns down at his hands. "So," he picks at his nail polish, the colour unidentifiable in the dark. "I don't understand," he says eventually, honestly, looking Carlos in the eye. 

Carlos had fully expected coming out to have gotten easier as he got older, and he found that to be true when it came to people who needed to know for one reason or another, be it a doctor or a boss. But coming out to someone who matters, someone as beautiful and important as Cecil, proves to be as hard as when he first came out to his parents. 

He takes a seat on the trunk of his car and Cecil follows suit, their knees brushing together. "It's...everybody feels differently about it," he says, more to the lights above the Arby's than Cecil. "For me, I looked in the mirror every day and saw a girl and I thought, who the fuck is that? On the inside I wasn't that girl, I was me. I was Carlos. And I didn't know why...I didn't understand. I still don't, really. So. I'm on hormone therapy, and that's taken away some of the...the bad feeling. My body matches up a bit more, now. But not all of it. I...there's other things I can do. Once I have money, and time and..."

"Carlos."

"Sorry," Carlos laughs, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "Sorry. This is...a big deal. Because it's driven people away before, you know? It's a lot to handle, and they realised they weren't attracted to me when they found out I have some parts I shouldn't and don't have parts I should."

"Carlos," Cecil says again, and this time Carlos turns to look at him. "Thank you for telling me. Thank you for feeling comfortable enough to share this with me."

"But."

"But your fear of me pushing you away is entirely unfounded. I know that I may come across as shallow, the way I always talk about how handsome you are. But it's you that I'm in love with, and your body comes with that, sure. But it's you. The Outsider who came to Night Vale and declared it interesting, not weird or one of the circles of Hell. The scientist who was concerned for my safety at the station when you came by with that box-"

"Geiger counter."

"Geiger counter. Right. You care. About the town, about the people. About me. And I can't pretend I understand this, even though you've explained it. But I want to, okay? I want to understand. So. Let me."

Carlos struggles to find the words, and instead puts his blood stained hand on Cecil's knee. In turn, Cecil rests his head on Carlos' shoulder, which must be uncomfortable due to the height difference. 

"I have to get back to the station," Cecil says. "I would very much like to take you on a date."

Carlos' heart flutters. "I would...very much like that."

"Tomorrow. At seven. I'll pick you up."

"Yeah," Carlos says. "Yes. Please."

Cecil leans in to kiss him, lightly on the cheek. "Goodnight, Carlos," he says, his voice sending shivers down Carlos' spins. "Goodnight."

Carlos watches him leave, feeling giddy. If it weren't for the moderate amount of pain he was in he would probably have done cartwheels. Instead, he climbed into his car, and drove back to the lab to collapse.


End file.
